Confidence is defined as having faith in someone or something. Having confidence enables us to do so many things in life. Confidence is something we continually strive to hold. Confidence is something we develop for ourselves and something that we can glean through the encouragement of others. And confidence is the one of the first things to go when we lose our footing in life.
Following the death of a loved one, we lose our sense of feeling safe. Everything is turned upside down. Nothing is for certain anymore; all that you thought was, is now gone. The platform of life has crumbled and it’s frightening to take a step into the future. Certainly, other events in life also cause us to lose confidence: infidelity, divorce, relationship changes, job loss, financial disaster, and compromised health, to name a few. Some of the most stoic and confident men and women in this world have fallen on their knees in prayer because disaster struck in their life and their confidence was shattered. It happens at one time or another – to everyone.
After my brother’s death, I had no confidence in myself to move forward in life. I doubted that I could do what needed to be done to survive. I had no confidence in my ability to recreate any happiness in my life. I had no confidence that I could achieve what I came to this earth to achieve – after all, if his life could end far too soon, then mine could too. I was scared. My siblings were afraid too. So were his wife and children. All of us had lost our confidence. I experienced this again when my husband died.
What does one do to rebuild their confidence? It isn’t any one thing. It’s many. Rebuilding confidence comes through reflection, healing, support from others, baby steps, solitude, prayer, and remembering to breathe. There is one thing that is imperative to NOT do and that is to languish in negative self-talk. The moment you hear yourself say, “I can’t do this” or “I am just a screw up” or “My life is a waste” hit the ‘mental delete button’! That’s right… the delete button. Visualize a large computer button that says delete and hit it. The more you do this, the easier it will be to stop those statements. It’s important you do because those words will hold you back indefinitely. Continue to surround yourself with those who believe in you and love you unconditionally. Your confidence may not be restored overnight, but I promise, it is something that we can regain… it just takes time.
So true, so true.
ReplyDeleteI experienced a "loss of confidence" like that described in this blog entry about ten years ago, one that made me question everything I believed about people. As far as I was concerned, humanity was a lost cause. Much as I tried, I couldn't get myself to trust anything or anyone. I couldn't even trust myself. After all, I had spent years believing in things that were no longer self-evident. I was suicidal for a time, spending almost every waking moment thinking about ways to kill myself. I didn't want to live in a world where there was nothing to believe in. I was totally demoralized.
I did get over it. How?
1) I met two new people. Both have positive outlooks despite having experienced personal tragedies, and I went to China with them. The trip made me realize that I could still experience the joy of discovery, and life became worth living again.
2) I adopted a puppy, and the puppy taught me that there was still innocence in the world. This helped me enormously as I was able to use the knowledge I had gained as a stepping stone to find other things I could still believe in.
Silly? Maybe. But to me, these experiences were life saving.
Things do get better with time and new experiences. But we have to be open to them.
Thank you for sharing, Karen. Losing our confidence cuts deeper than anyone can imagine, especially if you have not experienced it. Choosing the things you did to help you restore the confidence are not silly... it proves that each person has the right to do things in their way and that we can improve our lives and it doesn't have to be done in a 'cookie-cutter' approach. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteWork Comp Sucks! It sucks you dry. Work Comp sucks your energy, your finances, your physical and emotional well-being, your social life, your family life, your friends, and depletes you of everything you knew or had before your injury. Work Comp sucks every ounce and every breath you think you have to fight a system that is suppose to help an injured worker, not suck you dry!
ReplyDeleteWork Comp sucks, but I will survive! I will survive the dumb ass, hired-guns, so called Independent Medical Experts, who we all know are Adversarial Moronic Examiners. Hired-hitmen were paid to see me, an injured person once, or twice, or maybe three times, over more years than one should ever have to waste, waiting for a a fair and equitable hearing before a justice of the courts. The Work Comp mob tries to counter what my authentic, legitimate, medical providers know about me and about my injuries, after seeing me so many times over so many, many years.
I will survive video surveillances, which are nothing short of misguided attempts to disgrace me, degrade me, mislead others, and trespass against me, violate my rights to privacy, as well as the rights of those I love. I will not fall into misbegotten booby-traps set to blackmail and bankrupt me or my family into pathetic settlements, before I can obtain a fair and lawful hearing.
After almost seven years post Traumatic Brain Injury, I will have my own day in court, and not just settle your one in a million cases. I will survive all attempts to attack my personal dignity, my altered sense of self worth, and all that I am learning about who I am. For in the end, the people of Workers' Comp don't really see an ounce of me, the person I was before my Traumatic Brain Injury, the parts of me that I struggle every day to reclaim, the parts I grieve, knowing I must let go of them, in order to become the person I am today. Unlike all of them, I welcome the person I am becoming tomorrow and the next day and all days to follow.
Work Comp Sucks! It sucks you dry! A cesspool clogged by its own shit, Work Comp does not own me! Above them and all who represent them, I will rise! A divine sculptress has carved me chip by chip, piece by piece, fallen stone after fallen stone, some shards stolen by others, other unfinished gems let go by me. The Divine has looked down upon me and she smile, for in the end I have survived.
I am Confidence. I will not be defined nor defiled by your cesspool. It has no power over me. Not anymore! I call your bluff! My Royal Flush beats your shit, any day.
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