One Day at a Time

We grow up learning the importance of setting goals, taking action and planning for success. We are encouraged to set resolutions or goals on New Year’s, or on our birthday, or even when there is a new moon. We are told from our first pay cheque that it is important to put money away for our retirement. Planning for the future seems to have a strong grip on living day-to-day. That is until something happens to us or someone we love and suddenly the lesson is: You have to learn to live one day at a time. Am I the only one that struggles with this contradiction?

Learning to live ‘one day at a time’ is a challenge for everyone. So, what does it mean to live one day at a time? Does it mean that we don’t plan for the future? Does it mean that we throw all caution to the wind and neglect our responsibilities? Unfortunately, no… we still have to pay the bills, clean the house, go to work, and make sure there is enough money in the bank to take care of us in our old age.

Recently, my husband became ill with a progressive, degenerative disease. While it is an illness that cannot be reversed and requires a strict health regime, he could live for a long time with it. Because he cannot be cured, we are now forced to live one day at a time. For me that means if he wakes up and he is having a good day (no pain, feels not bad, spirits are good) then it is a good day and I move along doing the things I planned, such as working, grocery shopping or writing. A good day doesn’t mean that he is cured or his health problems have gone away… it just means it is a good day. Likewise, if he wakes up and is having a bad day (discomfort, fatigue, fever etc.) then the day is modified accordingly, which may mean I won’t be working and things are kept low key for the day or it could be as drastic as having to make a trip to the doctor’s or emergency ward. It doesn’t mean that he has reached the next medical crisis, or that it is the day his life will end. It just means it’s not a good day. This is living one day at a time. However, it’s not easy for either of us.

Here are some things I have learned to accept and incorporate into ‘living one day at a time’:

·         Make plans as I have always done and trust if they go awry, I will get another opportunity to complete them.

·         Don’t over commit. Every commitment I make is done with the caveat “I may have to cancel on short notice.’ If that is a problem for the other person, it gives them an opportunity to tell me and we can make other arrangements.

·         Delegate responsibilities to others or ask them to be a backup for me if I am not able to follow through as planned.

·         Plan for extra time to complete tasks.

·         Be flexible with myself, others and the situation.

·         Ask for help when needed – it isn’t a sign of weakness.

·         Prioritize, prioritize. Do the things that are necessary and important first – if I can manage to add in more, then bonus.

·         Don’t procrastinate – if I do have time to add one step in or one task, then do it. Pacing is important so if I let things pile up for ‘another day’ it will only result in me being overwhelmed.

·         Remember to breath and tell myself: I am doing the best that I can in the circumstances.