You do feel as though life is out of control. That’s because it is. Often what happened is beyond the person’s control and really without choice or negotiation. Even when I have had preparation that a loved one was going to die, I felt helpless and powerless when it happened.
After suffering a loss, your footing in this world and the very foundation that your life was built on may seem to have shifted. Nothing feels safe or secure anymore. The more you try to fight it, the more exhausting it becomes. You may feel as though you have been thrust into 'an ocean of emotion' without a life preserver.
Individuals experiencing a sense of helplessness due to loss will benefit from sharing their feelings with a person who understands. The bereaved can’t be rushed through the process… it’s a process, not an event and therefore, it takes time. I have said this before... time doesn't heal all but what we do with the time heals us... so speaking with someone you trust and who understands the unpredictable journey you are traveling will help you to get that sure footing again. They won't judge or rush you.
Be gentle with yourself or others who are traveling this journey. It is long and arduous. Helplessness and powerlessness are some of the bridges to cross.
Sometimes, just verbalizing your thoughts and feelings can help you to ground yourself again. The trick is to find someone who understands that he/she needs to do nothing more than listen over time. As Janelle says, getting grounded again is a "process", and it can be a lengthy one over which people tire of listening. They may tell you to "move on" or "let go" of your loss. This happened to me, and I was devastated. I felt that my friends had abandoned me - I had listened to them at length when things were rough for them - through their divorces, job losses, illnesses etc. And I assumed that they would be there for me. I understand that they thought they were being helpful by telling me to "move on", but not being able to talk about what I was thinking and feeling compounded the loss, mostly because I wasn't able to sort through things without talking. Eventually, I discovered that I could help myself by "verbalizing" (sort of) in a diary. It took me four years to ground myself, and I am still working on it. I now understand that the grounding process was so difficult and lengthy for me because my loss prompted a re-examination of my core beliefs and values. I so understand how grieving people can feel uprooted and helpless.
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