Preparing for the Year Ahead

As we approach the upcoming year, it is a good time to review the goals we set out for ourselves in 2011. How did you finish up? Did you achieve them all? Are some still incomplete? Were some goals completely off the charts and no matter how hard you tried, they stayed out of your reach?

Goal setting takes some time and thought. Too often people strike a list of things they want to do and give little or no thought to how they are going to achieve it. Moreover, the goal itself may not be clear or well enough defined and as a result, your passion for it soon fizzles.

When setting goals for 2012, use these simple strategies to guarantee success:

1. Keep your list of goals to just a few. If you have an overwhelming number of things you want to achieve, it will be difficult to stay focussed. After you accomplish a goal, you can add a new one.
2. Write down your goal and then rewrite it until it is crystal clear to say exactly what you want to achieve. For example, it is not sufficient to say that you want to increase your exercise and improve your physical image. If you want to decrease your body fat by a certain percentage or take off a specific number of pounds then state that. Be specific about how you are going to increase your exercise. E.g. I will incorporate two 1-hour walking sessions each week.
3. Strategize! Break each one of your goals down by asking yourself these questions: Where am I now? Where do I want to be? What is it going to take to get me there? Who can I ask to help me? Don’t be afraid to ask for support! We are more likely to achieve our goals when surrounded by people who support us in the process.
4. Prioritize and organize the steps you came up with in point number 3. Put these steps into a plan and give yourself a timeline to complete each step.
5. Monitor progress regularly and be flexible! Goals do not necessarily have to be etched in stone. Measure your progress and take time to celebrate your successes (big and small) as you move toward the goal. Maintain some flexibility as you take the journey. You may decide to restate your goal and develop new strategies along the way. That’s okay.
6. Have fun! As an FYI… don’t be afraid to set some goals. I scoured my 2012 day timer thoroughly and the end of the world is not listed anywhere as an event or holiday!

Happy New Year everyone! May you find all the peace, joy and happiness you deserve in the coming year. God Bless.

Photo Credit: Vlado
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Alcohol and the Holidays

In our society, food and beverages are major components of celebrations and festivities. Christmas and New Year’s is a week filled with opportunities to partake in both. We all know that moderation is key; however, keeping it in check is the tricky part.

There are so many expectations around this time of year. We often want things to be perfect. We may have unresolved family issues and because of the season, we are forced into the same room with a few people that we’d rather not be with. Mix that with multiple drinks, escalating emotions, inhibitions dropping and it’s no wonder disaster strikes. What is more surprising is that often people just think it won’t happen! Don’t trust that everyone will be on their best behaviour or be able to control their emotions once alcohol starts to flow through the veins.

When a person is coping with loss, often their energy is depleted. They may not be getting adequate rest or taking in balanced meals. Their emotions are already sitting just below the surface so minimizing alcohol use, if not forgoing it all together, is wise.

If you feel that you need to be social, but want to refrain from drinking spirits, be honest with your family and friends. Explain, “I am feeling somewhat run down (or fragile) and don’t think that I could really tolerate alcohol. Could I have some water and lemon (or tea, or soda etc.) instead?” I doubt anyone would mind.

If you are the host or hostess, do your best to understand and be prepared to have a selection of non-alcoholic drinks to serve those who either shouldn’t be drinking or decline to drink. Your job is to make sure everyone has a good time and creating an atmosphere they feel comfortable in and not feeling pressured will be greatly appreciated.

Photo Credit: Pixomar
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The True Intent of Boxing Day

For millions, Boxing Day is the highlight of the festive season. They have no issue lining up for hours and hours to get the best buys in the department stores. I, on the other hand, cannot be bothered to step foot anywhere near shopping malls or stores.

Boxing Day originated in the Victorian era and had nothing to do with shopping. It was a day to make contributions of cash or gifts to the less fortunate. It was also a day when the servants were allowed to minimize their work loads and spend time with their own families. Their employers would give them a gift wrapped in a box on the 26^th as well. There was no bonus, no gift of a turkey and certainly no Christmas party.

Today, besides the shopping, people dedicate the day to socializing by either hosting an open house or going to visit others. Either way it’s not generally a day we focus on giving to others. And really the gift of giving is needed year round – we all know this. There are people financially destitute worldwide. Others struggle with addictions and/or living in violent and abusive relationships. Children are hungry and suffering from malnutrition and lack of medical treatment in third world countries. For most of us, myself included, it’s a case of “but for the grace of God, go I.”

Boxing Day in our home is about entertaining and socializing. It is our wedding anniversary and we love to have people drop by and share it with us. We make a point of giving to those who need a helping hand prior to the holidays as well as throughout the year. We can’t help everyone, but we do our best to give from our heart with gratitude and thanks for what we have.

Giving to others does not have to be in the form of money or tangible goods. It’s wonderful if you can do that, but it is not the only way. Many people will be warmed by a loving spirit just spending time listening to their story and validating that they are heard, loved and wanted. There are many ways to continue giving now that Christmas Day is past; find a way that is meaningful for you. When you give from the heart, others know it is genuine.  

Silent Night

Silent night, holy night

All is calm, all is bright

Round yon Virgin Mother and Child

Holy Infant so tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night!

Shepherds quake at the sight

Glories stream from heaven afar

Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Christ, the Saviour is born

Christ, the Saviour is born

Silent night, holy night

Son of God, love's pure light

Radiant beams from Thy holy face

With the dawn of redeeming grace

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth

A Christmas Poem

I have a list of folks I know, all written in a book
And every year when Christmas comes, I go and take a look,
And that is when I realize that these names are a part
Not of the book they are written in, but really of my heart

For each name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime,
And in the meeting they've become the rhythm in each rhyme
And while it sounds fantastic for me to make this claim,
I really feel that I'm composed of each remembered name

And while you may not be aware of any special link
Just meeting you has changed my life a lot more than you think
For once I've met somebody, the years cannot erase
The memory of a pleasant word or of a friendly face

So never think my Christmas cards are just a mere routine
Of names upon a Christmas list, forgotten in between,
For when I send a Christmas card that is addressed to you,
It is because you're on the list that I'm indebted to

For I am but a total of the many folks I've met,
And you happen to be one of those I prefer not to forget
And whether I have known you for many years or few,
In some ways you have a part in shaping things I do

And every year when Christmas comes, I realize anew,
The best gifts life can offer is meeting folks like you.
And may the spirit of Christmas that forever endures
Leave its richest blessings in the hearts of you and yours.

~Helen Steiner Rice (1900-1981)

Photo Credit: Idea go
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Grief at Christmas

For most families, Christmas is a time rich with tradition and filled with joyful festivities.  People look forward to spending the holidays with family and friends, exchanging gifts, indulging in delectable treats and reminiscing about the good old days.  On the other hand, for bereaved families, the tinsel, decorated trees, and angelic singing of Silent Night, are painful and constant reminders that a loved one’s stocking hangs empty, and will remain so, forever more.  

Remembering a loved one during the holidays can bring forth tears.  It can also bring great comfort as friends and family share their stories and memories. If you are facing the holidays without a loved one, here are some suggestions for remembering the person who has died and to help you get through the festivities:

♥ Talk about the person who died

♥ Do something that you did together

♥ Write a letter to your loved one

♥ Create a memory album complete with pictures, stories and memorabilia

♥ Gift a gift to charity in their name

♥ Cook your loved one’s favorite food

♥ Hang their picture in the Christmas tree

♥ Watch a movie that was a favorite

♥ Visit a place you enjoyed together

♥ Try something new and spontaneous

♥ Develop a new tradition

♥ Ceremoniously handover a tradition that your loved one performed.  (i.e. if Dad carved the turkey, turn the duty over to a relative or friend)

♥ Allow for sadness – your feelings are real

♥ Pamper yourself

♥ Know your limitations – if you can’t be with a big crowd all day long, then settle on a couple of hours

♥ Let yourself laugh!

For those supporting a bereaved relative or friend, keep the following in mind:

♥   Understand that Christmas and special holidays can stir-up unreconciled grief for your relative or friend.  Their feelings are real and they have no control over when they will surface.

♥   Speaking about the deceased person and using their name can be comforting for the bereaved – don’t be afraid you will upset them, because you won’t.  They will appreciate that you remember their loved one.

♥   Offer to accompany your relative or friend to attend a ‘memorial service’ in your community.  Many funeral homes offer this type of service prior to Christmas.

♥   Give the greatest gift of all – your ears and sincere attention. 

Heart Vs. Head

The work of grieving and mourning is heart work not head work!

When we stay in our heads while grieving, we over analyze our feelings or dismiss them. We fall prey to the myth that time should heal all and we should just get over what has happened to us.

Grieving and mourning are heart work. This means staying with your heart, albeit broken, and feeling what you need to feel for however long that you need to feel it. I have said this before; however, it is something that I repeat often…”It is not time that heals all, but rather it is what we do with the time that will heal us.”

In the early days of grief, it is important to just be. Don’t worry about what to do next or how you will get there… just be. Pace yourself. Let yourself rest, even if you can’t sleep. Drink plenty of water and take in small meals to keep your energy up.

A broken heart needs to heal in its own way and its own time.