Empathy vs. Sympathy

Do you understand the difference between empathy and sympathy? If not, you are not alone. People will often confuse the two as being one in the same. They aren’t. Everyone can be sympathetic, but not everyone is empathic.  Empathy is an acquired skill that people can learn if they so choose. It may take practice, but everyone can learn how to have empathy and to be an empathic listener.

Sympathy is when we enter into another’s feelings and we take them on. The purpose, albeit perhaps on an unconscious level, is to help the person who is hurting and stop or take away their suffering. I am not implying that being sympathetic isn’t valued, but it’s important to understand why we feel sympathy. If you say, or you hear another person say: “I feel sorry for so and so…” That is being sympathetic or showing sympathy. Remember though that when you say I feel it becomes about you not the other person.

Empathy is having the ability to understand what the other person is feeling and experiencing without taking their feelings on. Being empathic is tuning into the other person’s feeling with sensitivity and being aware of where they are at in the journey without offering advice or solutions. An empathic listener will ask questions and validate the person’s feelings. For example, they will say: “You feel sad” or “You feel helpless and alone since your husband died.” If that is not what they are feeling, they will clarify it for you.

Everyone appreciates others having sympathy for the situation they are experiencing as long as the sympathy doesn’t convert to pity. Nobody likes or wants to be pitied. Becoming an empathic listener may take practice, but it can be done. Here are some suggestions:

·         Be easy for people to talk to – keep your focus on them. Don’t get distracted by a cell phone or other things going on in your environment. Sit facing them and maintain eye contact. Lean slightly forward to show interest in what they are saying.

·         Encourage the person by asking questions, which facilitates the exploration of their feelings and helps them come to their own solutions.

·         Validate what they tell you by reframing in their words. “You feel________.”

·         Tune into their feelings ~ if you begin to experience churned up feelings make a mental note that you have something to deal with and set it aside and tune back into the other person. Empathy is about their feelings, not yours.

By the way, the koala bear in the picture doesn't necessarily represent empathy, but he does get your attention and that really is the purpose of empathy... to give another person loving attention. Try to be empathetic to another's situation today and see what a difference it can make.