Grief and Suicidal Thoughts

Following the death of a loved one, it is not uncommon to have thoughts about whether you want to go on living or not. These are fleeting thoughts… they come and go and are expressed in ways like: “I don’t know if I can go on.” “What’s the point of living?” “Life makes no sense … nothing matters anymore?” “I don’t care if I even wake up in the morning.” Don’t assume that statements like these mean the person is suicidal.

After my husband died, I remember that death seemed so inviting. I didn’t want to die, but I knew that was the only way to be with him was if I joined him on the other side. This is that crazy-making stuff that happens in the grief journey. Although I had no serious plans to kill myself, nor was I actively thinking these thoughts all the time, I remember the day that I knew I wanted to go on living. It was like coming out of a dungeon and seeing a colourful world for the first time in years. I had reconnected!

The difference between an individual experiencing fleeting thoughts of uncertainty where they say they don’t know if they can go on without their loved one or experiencing suicidal thoughts can be defined by asking him or her these questions:

1.    Are your thoughts about dying fleeting thoughts that come and go?

2.    Do you want to die?

3.    Do you have a plan to take your own life? (yes, be direct to find out for sure, don’t assume)

4.    Can you tell me more about your plan? (date, where, when, how)

5.    Do you have access to ­­­_____? (Fill in the blank with the “how”  i.e. pills, gun etc.)

6.    Is there anything or anyone that would hold you back from taking your life? (e.g. son/daughter, friend, parent, grandparent etc.) Try to establish a reason for them to go on living.

The risk of suicide increases if the person made previous attempts to end their life. If you believe the person is going to harm themselves, then seek intervention. Don’t be afraid that you may be overreacting. If they have persistent, intense thoughts about ending their life and/or they have a plan, they need professional help.

Photo Credit: Salvatore Vuono

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