R.A.G.E.

R.A.G.E. is a normal part of the grief experience. What is rage?

R – regret

          It’s normal to experience thoughts of “could-have” “should-have” “I did” and “I didn’t” following the death of a loved one. We regret not having that conversation to clear the air or doing that special thing together that we had always talked about doing. Try to focus on what you did do and what you did have together instead of what you didn’t.

A – anger

          I felt angry towards the person who hit my husband on his police motorcycle. I can’t remember how long I felt it, but I did and I had to work through that. I also felt angry when he died – after all, we had two children close to the teen years and we were going to do this together! Now I was on my own. Again, feeling angry is normal – it is how you express that anger that you need to be cautious about.

G – guilt

          Feeling guilty is also a normal part of the grief experience. For me, I felt guilty that I had been the one left here to live. I felt guilty when I fell in love and remarried. At times, I felt guilty that I was able to be a part of and enjoy our daughters’ lives and their dad couldn’t. It isn’t always rational - but it is real and needs to be worked through.

E – emotional roller coaster

          The grief journey is the “roller coaster from hell".  It is about taking ten steps forward and then 50 back. You may think that you have a handle on your feelings when suddenly the sound of a song or the sight of a couple walking past holding hands will render you to tears. The grief journey is not predictable or orderly. You can’t force it into a linear process – it is a twisty-turn type of path that leaves you feeling as though  you are walking in a fog. Everything that was familar, no longer is.

What has your experience been with these emotions?