Death of a Soldier

Although we pay great honor to those who die in service, the pain of losing a loved one lingers beyond the funeral and public dedication. For years to come, the families and friends who are left behind will travel a long and unpredictable grief journey. They will seek comfort in their precious memories and struggle to make sense of why the death of their loved one happened when it did and in the way it did.  

The grieving families of Canadian and U.S. military personnel understand the heartbreak of losing a loved one unexpectedly. There is immense pride in knowing that your loved one died while serving his or her community and country. On the other hand, the wound of suddenly losing a father or mother, son or daughter, sister or brother, is deep and not easy to heal.

A compounding factor for the survivors is that the person who died is the family’s “gatekeeper” to an exclusive community (i.e. military community). After the person dies, the inclusion to this community often wanes and may even be denied. It isn’t that the colleagues of their loved ones don’t remember, or don’t want to include them. The reality is that the relationship takes on different parameters and the unintended, but natural consequence of the person’s death, is that the deceased person’s family no longer fits within that structure. This isn’t to say that “personal” friendships won’t remain intact. Often they do. What it does mean is that the day-to-day connections, social functions, and camaraderie is no longer available to them. This is another loss experienced by those left behind and can result in feelings of disappointment, abandonment, anger, and profound sadness.

Knowing that a person or family may feel “cut off” from the community they were once immersed in can assist in initiating an open discussion so supporters can actually “normalize” the experience for the grieving person. By normalizing the experience, survivors can begin to understand the changes in their relationship with their love one’s work community and not take it personally.