The Loss of a Mother

A final picture of my mom taken at my daughter, Myriah's wedding.

My mother died on May 17, 2003. It was a devastating time for all of us. She was the true matriarch, guiding and encouraging her children to be all that we could be. She respected our choice in partners as we journeyed from childhood to adulthood. Family was family to her… she embraced the children we gave birth too, those we acquired through marriage and those adopted… they were all one and the same.  Moreover, she had an unwavering faith that each one of us could move mountains on earth and shine brighter than the stars and the moon. My wish is for every child to feel that love and devotion.

Was Mom perfect? Absolutely not! She had her imperfections like the rest of us. Her and my father struggled with financial, emotional and marital issues. Did that impact their seven children? Yes, it did; however, those experiences made me stronger, wiser, and more resilient. I believe most of my siblings would agree that we used those experiences to create a life unlike the one we grew up in.

What Mom gave me beyond the impossible financial comforts was: a dress for a school dance that she handmade from her favourite sundress – because I loved it; endless cups of tea and late night chats as a teenager who was struggling to find my way to love and success; undefeatable support when I was widowed with two small children. There is so much more that she did, but what I have listed demonstrates the values she held as a parent and that she strived to pass onto her sons and daughters. Not only will I celebrate her memory this Mother’s Day, but I attempt to celebrate her every day through my relationships with my children and grandchildren.

Not everyone was or is blessed to have had a mom like ours. I know others who experienced rejection, abuse, and a true lack of love at the hand of their mother (and/or father). The memories for them are like shards of glass that pierce their heart daily. It is my experience that often someone has come into their life and been their champion, so I encourage them to draw from that love and support. Working through the emotional aftermath of a difficult childhood is hard, but it is important grief work to do. You have to believe that you are worth healing and know that the relationship you experienced is not a true reflection of who you are as a loving soul. On this Mother’s Day, you can choose to celebrate the one who honoured and respected you… it does not have to be your biological mother.

In memory of my mom this Mother’s Day, I would like to share a poem that she chose to have printed on her memorial card.

When I come to the end of the road,

And the sun has set for me;

I want no rites in a gloom filled room

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little… but not too long,

And not with your head bowed low;

Remember the love that we once shared

Miss me… but let me go.

For this is a journey that we all must take,

And each must go it alone;

It’s all a part of the Master’s plan

A step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick at heart,

Go to the friends we know;

And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds

Miss me… but let me go.

~Author Unknown