When my husband died, I was still reeling from the deaths of my father and brother. Much like everyone else in our family, including my sister-in-law and niece and nephews, I was grappling with the emotions of getting through the milestones in life without them. However, it wasn’t until I journeyed through the twelve months following my husband’s death that I fully hit this myth of ‘firsts’ head-on.
It’s a common sentiment offered to the bereaved: “Once you get through the first birthday, first Christmas, and first Mother/Father’s Day without them, it will get easier.” It became apparent, and very quickly to me, as I muddled through these “firsts” that they were not going to be contained within twelve months but rather for my lifetime and my children’s lifetime. Every event in our lives will be a ‘first’ without him.
When my daughters’ graduated from school, when they fell in love, when they walked down the aisle to be married and when they gave birth to their sons, were extraordinary events that spanned not just one year, but a number of years. They were a first for me and a first for them and they unfolded without their father. As our lives continue to unfold, we continue to experience ‘firsts’ without him. The difference is that we now know the truth and we can acknowledge our feelings.
Photo Credit: Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
<p><a href="http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=851">Image: Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net</a></p>
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