I have met individuals over the years who survived horrific car crashes, but someone they cared about died in the crash. While they are grateful they survived, they hold incredible sorrow for the other person’s death. The cause of the crash and if they were responsible in any way could also be a factor in their feelings; therefore, working with a professional who understands what the person is experiencing will be of benefit. Some of the people that I have met were not responsible at all for the person’s death, yet they hold back in ‘living their life’ because their friend or loved one died. This is an ‘emotional jail term’ that can be endless.
Although I was with my husband when he suffered a massive heart attack, I did not know CPR. I called for the ambulance and the Volunteer Fire Department was also dispatched. All of them, of course, were skilled in CPR and administered it immediately. They worked on him for over an hour, but they were not able to resuscitate him. For a very long time I was trapped in that emotional jail. I believed that somehow in that small period of time when I waited for help to arrive that I contributed to his death because I didn’t know CPR. It was nearly two years later, after I sent the autopsy report to a friend who was a heart transplant surgeon in the United States, that I finally allowed myself to not feel responsible for his death. Our friend explained that the type of heart attack he had was so massive that had a team of doctors been standing beside him, they would not have been able to prevent his death. He was sincere in telling me this information – it wasn’t just to make me feel better.
It was then in my grief journey that I began to realize that the ‘endings are not ours to write.’ We don’t get to choose who will die, how they will die, when they will die, or where we are at in life with them when they die. We only get to choose to survive.
Photo Credit: Arvind Balaraman
http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1058
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