Compassion

Compassion and understanding go a long way in supporting a person through difficult times. When asked, people may describe compassion has having sympathy for another person’s sorrow or suffering. Or they may say that it is to be empathetic to another person coupled with a desire to take away their pain or hurt. I have different thoughts on that.

For me, compassion is acknowledging and accepting that an individual is feeling what they need to feel, when they need to feel it and how they need to feel it, which may be completely different than how I would be. Being compassionate is being free of any judgement or expectation that the grieving person should handle or cope with the situation in any one way. It is about accepting that we all do things differently, we all cope differently, and we all work through the process differently. Being compassionate is to understand the person is doing the best they can, given the situation they are in. Being compassionate is about being supportive and helping to facilitate the journey as the person explores their feelings – it’s not about taking away the pain or ending their suffering. I say this because if you attempt to fix or end a person’s grief journey, then that action is about your inability to be present to their pain. It’s not about them needing someone to help them get over the experience.

To have compassion is to be present to the other person. Don’t attempt to persuade or dissuade them in any way. If you feel you must comment or offer some words of wisdom say: “This is not my experience. I am unsure how I would handle or cope with it. Tell me how it is for you.”

Allow a person to be where they need to be… and walk the journey with them for however long that takes. That’s compassion.

My next blog will discuss empathy vs. sympathy.

Credit Photo: Salvatore Vuono

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