The journey of heartbreak has a winding path leading to this place. Ironically, nobody wants to reach the destination, which is much like catapulting oneself into the eye of the hurricane; however, reaching this place of darkness is pivotal in healing. It is where we feel the depths of our despair and understand the finality and reality of our loss. It’s no wonder that we don’t want to go there.
In my training with Dr. Alan Wolfelt, he taught us about companioning the bereaved and that it was our responsibility to walk with them to the Wilderness of The Soul. I’ve been to that place and I know how frightening it can be. You can imagine how insane it felt for me to imagine that on a conscious level I would walk someone right to the door! I spoke with Dr. Wolfelt about this, because frankly, the whole idea terrified me. What if I got them there and they couldn’t find their way back out? What if they gave up and I lost them? What if it was so consuming and dark that it just devoured them? Wolfelt’s calm, knowing answer showed me that he understood the struggle of accepting such a responsibility. He said, “It’s your responsibility to walk with them. It’s their responsibility to find their way back out.”
I admit it took some time for me to reflect on his answer and really grasp what he was saying. Suddenly I understood … I walked myself to this place and when I reached the center of my despair I made the choice to survive and to do the work of healing … that is when I turned around and walked back out.
Healing a broken heart takes time and action. It is in the healing that we do have to choose to survive and to do the work of mourning. How we grieve and mourn will be as individual as each of our personalities. We need permission to do it in our own way and in our own time. But … we still have to do it ~ there is no way to other side.
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