Sunday, May 8, 2011

To My Children: Why I took the Job of Being Your Mother

It’s been over 33 years since I applied for the job of mother – a job that I desperately wanted but had absolutely no experience in. I had one person to model after and although I witnessed firsthand the trials and tribulations she went through with raising seven children, I was not deterred. She said it was the greatest job on earth and I believed her.
To look back on the situation, it is quite humorous to think that I, virtually an unknown and unskilled person, applied and got the top position to raise several members of the next generation. At first I started out with one responsibility and then moved to two. I had an assistant (their father) who for 12 years supported my decisions but also offered a balance of fun and free-spiritedness for them (i.e. he didn`t care if the beds got made).  For a brief time following his death, I sojourned alone with my children, doing the best I could and drawing upon some inner strength and trust knowing that I could do this… even if it was without another. Then I met a new assistant and along with him, came three new responsibilities that I willingly and lovingly accepted.
I never drew a dime from holding this top position, nor did I ever expect to be paid. There was never any direct benefits, as in health and vacation… in fact, I understood from day one that it was my responsibility to provide those benefits if they were going to happen. I understood and accepted that my hours of work would be 24 hours per day, seven days a week, 365 days a year for approximately 20 years. I was just fine with that.
My performance reviews over the years have varied. There were times that I held the position of hero and at times, I was perceived to be the enemy. Although it was warm and fuzzy to be the hero and it stung like hell to be the enemy (still does today), it never caused me to waver from my duties. I couldn`t provide everything the children felt they wanted, but I did provide all of them with what they needed. They were never without a warm beautiful home, good food on the table, plenty of celebrations for their accomplishments, decent clothes on their back, access to activities of their choice, help with their homework, and the acceptance of being a priority in my life by my family and our friends.
 I never walked off the job because I didn`t receive enough in return for my efforts. I would never have considered such a thing. I was not a perfect mother, nor have I ever professed to be. I have been and will always be… a `working hands-on mom’. I won’t rise to glory and fame for my role; however, I do know that I have given this world some bright shining stars who will make a difference and that’s all the recognition that I need.
As I look back on the years, it is interesting to me that although I had other parents to support and assist in raising these five children, I felt solely responsible for their well-being and how their lives would turn out. The children are all adults now making their own decisions, of which I respect. I may not agree with everything they do, but it is time for them to shape their lives in the way they desire. They will have lessons, as each of us will, and I no longer feel that I have to be the one to guide them through those lessons. They have skills, values, and the ability to discern right from wrong. They will be just fine.
I have now moved onto the role of senior management… one that I hold with pride. My opinions and advice are not always wanted - no matter how grounded they are in experience. At times, I continue to be a source of frustration and annoyance… as any parent does. Nonetheless, my track record remains the same. I am still here. I am still me. An added bonus to my role now is the influence and connections that I have with grandchildren. As a mother, I may not be told in words that they ‘got’ what I had to do or that I did the best I could under the circumstances and without a manual, but the fact that they frequently entrust their precious children to me is proof enough of their faith that I have and will continue to do good.
I am proud of the role that I have held and continue to hold. And… I have no plans of leaving my post anytime soon J.

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