I know we are raised to NOT be selfish, but sometimes that is exactly what is needed. I have written many times about the exhausting grief process. And, we know how exhausting the holiday season can be so for the bereaved, they may feel it even more so.
Between now and the holidays, choose one day that you claim for just you. Use it as a ‘mental health’ day; a time to rejuvenate body, mind and soul. It’s okay to plan something with a friend; however, if you think you can do it, I would recommend going solo. That doesn’t mean that you have to isolate yourself, but minimizing distractions (shopping) or chatting with others won’t give you the break that is needed.
It may take some planning if you do not live alone and you may not have the ability to claim 24 hours to yourself. If that is reflective of your situation, claim at least four hours. Choose a time when your spouse or partner is working and when the children are in school. If your children are not school age, then make arrangements with a trusted relative or friend to babysit, explaining to them that you really need to take some time for yourself. If you cannot be in solitude in your home, then leave everyone else at home and you go someplace where you can experience silence and time with yourself.
Here are some suggestions:
In Your Own Home:
- Arrange to be home alone
- Turn off the telephone (land line and cell phone) – notify those who may worry about you that you are taking some time be quiet and reflective and ensure them you will contact them when you turn the phones back on
- Leave the television and radio off. Music is fine; however a radio station will be distracting with commercials and chatter.
- Have a supply of tissue, herb teas, and light foods on hand
- Plan to wear your most comfortable clothing ~ perhaps treat yourself to new pair of pyjamas to lounge in all day
- Light the fire place or keep a soft comforter/blanket on hand
- Keep a notebook or journal close by to record any reflections or thoughts you may have
- Read a book or magazines
- Daydream
- Draw or paint
- Play a musical instrument
- You do not have to ‘think’ ~ allow your thoughts to come to you. Reflect, sleep, and/or meditate
- Feel what you need to feel
- Before connecting with your loved ones, have a nice warm bath or shower, get dressed in a favourite outfit that makes you feel ‘alive’
- Smile and know that you just did something very special for yourself
If You Need to go Outside Your Home
- Make arrangements for your family and trust they will be taken care of. You have not abandoned them, you are just taking a mini-break
- Take a cell phone but turn it off. Let people know they can leave a message ad you will check your voicemail once or twice during the outing (and stick to it)
- Take a pen and journal or notebook with you to record any thoughts or reflections
- Borrow a friend’s house for the day while they are working; ask them to turn their telephone off so you won’t be disturbed
- Go to places that offer quiet and an opportunity to reflect (church, museum, walk a labyrinth, a park, lake or ocean, walking or hiking trails)
- Draw or paint
- Go to a spa (just politely let the staff know that you going to rest and not engage in conversation) and enjoy a steam bath, massage, facial, manicure or pedicure
- Go swimming at a local rec centre – take in a hot tub
- Work out at the gym
Before you go home and reconnect with your family, think about them and begin to shift your thoughts from that of solitude to that of reconnecting. Stop at the grocery store and pick up simple foods for dinner and plan on playing a board game or watching a movie together to reconnect as a family.
Photo Credit: Federico Stevanin
http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=149
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