Loss During the Holidays

Although each of us wishes the holidays to not be marred by tragedy it is something we don’t necessarily have control over. It is the unthinkable and the unexplainable … that something awful could happen to someone we love at such a wonderful time of year.

Our grandmother died the week before Christmas one year. My mother’s second husband also died only days before Christmas. I know different people who have lost loved ones on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. Others have experienced the death of a loved one between Christmas and New Year’s. And others have endured loss on their birthday, wedding anniversary or soon after a baby was born. It’s very difficult to embrace these holidays in the future when the anniversary of a death is hovering.

A common response is “I’m never going to celebrate my birthday again.” “Christmas is meaningless now so why even bother.” These  feelings are real and understandable; however, my hope is that as people do the work of mourning they will come to see that in stopping themselves from enjoying life only keeps them stuck in their sorrow… it doesn’t bring the person back and it doesn’t keep you from remembering that they are gone. It only keeps you from experiencing joy again.

In my healing, I have come to accept that my grandparents, father, mother, brother, and husband all lived until the moment they died. They lived. We don’t get to choose when people will die, how they will die, or where we will be at in the journey of life with them when they die. We only get to choose to survive. Moreover, ask yourself this… “Would my (mom, dad, brother, sister, grandmother, grandfather, friend) want me to stop living because they have died?” “Would they want me to be sad and unhappy forever?” I can’t imagine they would have.

If you are among the millions who have experienced the death of a loved on a holiday or special celebration in your life, take time to remember your loved one and the love you have for them. Reach out to others who shared the experience with you... hug each other and appreciate that you have the comfort of one another and precious memories to carry you through.

Make a point this year of connecting with others who are vibrant and joyous. Find a reason to smile and love… do it in your loved one's honour and do it for you.