Christmas Memories

Holiday memories can be both happy and sad. In general, memories can bring us joy or they can trigger pain. The happy memories are easy to deal with, but the painful ones can unleash a host of feelings and emotions.

If you have unhappy holiday memories, find a way that works for you to reconcile the feelings you have. Others won’t necessarily understand. In fact, their reaction may be more of frustration with you – after all that was years ago, you should be over it – sound familiar? While you may feel slighted by their response to you, try to take it as feedback. Ask yourself some questions:

• Do you find yourself feeling irritated as the holidays approach because of negative memories?
• What do you do to dissipate the feelings you have of unhappy times? Do you attempt to stuff your feelings away or try to ignore them? If so, ask others if you have been successful in doing so. You likely will be surprised by the answer.

Sometimes people think that in stuffing their feelings away or in ignoring them that in fact, they go away. They don’t. You may believe that these unhappy memories and negative emotions don’t have an effect on you. I am willing to bet you’re wrong. That’s why I suggest you ask others for some feedback. They may see sadness in you. Or find you short-tempered, irritable or generally nasty to be around. If that’s the case, don’t despair… now you are aware.

If you have unresolved issues from the past and these negatively impact you during the holidays, honour yourself by taking time to work through them and resolve the issues once and for all. Speaking with a counsellor or social worker will be of benefit to help you find the solutions that are best for you. This isn’t the kind of work that you can easily do with family or friends… often they don’t understand how something from the past can hold a grip on someone years later.

The important thing to remember is these are your issues. Nobody can do the work but you. It won’t be pleasant but one thing I know for sure is that if you do the work you will be released from the past and can begin living in the present. The unhappy memories you have of holidays in the past do not have to be the measure for the holidays now or in the future. You can have the holidays you desire (and deserve)... you may have to do some work... but you can create the change you want to see.