FOO stands for Family of Origin. The work that is done in therapy around the Family of Origin is about healing ourselves from past experiences so that we can move forward in life.
The issues people need to heal from are vast and can include:
Childhood trauma (abuse: physical, sexual, and emotional)
Rejection and excessive criticism
Living in a violent situation and witnessing violence
Living in an unstable, chaotic environment
When an individual grows up with these experiences it is not uncommon to develop unhealthy core beliefs about his or herself, others in their life and the world they see around them.
When it comes to coping with loss and doing the work of mourning, I feel it is beneficial for people to look at their Family of Origin and ask themselves these questions:
- Did my family experience loss?
- Did my family discuss death?
- Did my family talk about divorce or relationship breakups?
- How did my mother handle loss?
- How did my father handle loss?
- How did my father’s parents cope with loss?
- How did my mother’s parents cope with loss?
It is important to ask these questions and examine your answer. Often our coping skills are handed down from generation to generation. Maybe your grandparents were raised to believe that no matter what happens you just put your head down and work hard. And if that didn’t work, they were told to just work harder. Perhaps your grandparents responded the way my mom did… start cooking and pull everyone together… as long as we have each other, we can make it (yes, I inherited this trait from her).
The point is your parents learned from their parents. And their parents learned from their parents and so forth. The beauty now is that if you recognize that the coping mechanisms they didn’t use did not serve them, then you can choose to do it differently. You don’t have to do it the way they did.
There is one thing I know for sure about loss… everyone has an experience and many are willing to tell you what to do, how to do it, and when to do and for how long. Give them a hug and thank them for the input and retreat! Spend time reflecting on what you want and need. If it matches what they suggested, great. If it doesn’t, it does not mean they were wrong. It means it’s not a match.
Examine your FOO and see what beliefs and values that you adopted but don’t serve you or speak your truth. Toss them and develop new ones. That’s taking a step forward.
Photo Credit: Africa
http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1803
Well said! I've ben doing a lot of that over the past year.
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